Street Fighter vs. Mortal Kombat Ohhhh Shit Part 3

Alright, so this has taken me longer than I had expected...but it is nearly there. All last week I was just too damn lazy, seeing as how ridiculous this whole thing is and this weekend I was....well I was just too damn drunk. Oh and a quick summary of Riot Fest in Chicago:



...so yeah, I have been busy. Alright, without further ado, let us see who is left kicking:

Street FighterRyu
Ken
Guile (Traumatized by Mileena's hideous visage, he threw himself down a bunch of stairs)
Chun-Li
Sakura (Sai to the gut)
Alex (Shot by a moronic Stryker on accident)
Dan (Killed by Baraka immediately after stepping into the MK universe)
Rolento
Cody (Was totally fuckered by Kano's laser eye)

Vega (Was apparently dispatched by Mileena for being useless)
Sagat
M. Bison
Balrog (Beaten to death by Jax while being made fun of for wearing his boxing gloves)
Cammy (Blown the fuck up by one of Rolento's grenades)
Akuma
Twelve (Triple teamed by Sonya, Jax, and Liu Kang)

Mortal Kombat

Liu Kang
Raiden
Jax
Johnny Cage (torn in half ((again)) by ((Twelve morphing into)) Goro)
Sonya Blade
Kitana (Skewered by Vega, taking advantage of Mortal Kombatants lack of mobility)
Stryker (Put out of his sad little existence by Cammy)

Shang Tsung
Goro
Reptile
Scorpion (Stabbed to death by Cody)
Sub-Zero (Shoryuken'd into a pit of spikes)
Kano (Stabbed by Cody)
Shao Kahn
Baraka (Killed by Raiden for being a stupid character)
Mileena (Beaten down by a pissed of Chun-Li)

The heroes continue their way through the massive fortress and eventually come to a large room with two doors on each side, and a massive door right across from where they entered. Suddenly, a large screen came down and flashed on. M.Bison's massive head suddenly popped onto the screen, "Greetings! I see you have made it this far in stopping whatever evil bullshit I am up to this time. I am impressed! You have killed a decent number of our fearsome little gathering. However, I see you too have had some losses! So here is your next test! One of you will enter one of the four doors on your left and right, only one! The challenge won't begin if more than one enters! THEN, that chosen fighter will face one of our strongest warriors. If you are victorious, there will be a switch in the room that once flipped, will allow the fighter to leave the room. AND that big door that leads you closer to Mr. Kahn and myself, will only open if you flipped ALL OF THE SWITCHES! BAHAHAHAHAHA"

Suddenly the screen switched off and rose into the cieling and all four of the doors swung open.

Rolento stretched and boasted, "I have been bored ever since I blew Cammy to hell, I'll take one of the doors."

Jax nods, "I am with the dude chucking grenades. I am ready to get this over with."

Ryu takes a long pull from his flask, burps, and says, "The Mortal Kombat dudes have been really fucking tough. Ken and I need to challenge ourselves to become stronger! This will be a perfect chance. We'll both take a door."

Ken jumps up from the ground, "Whoa man, fuck that! The first dude threw a fucking spear through my shoulder and then there was that dude that could freeze shit. I mean did you see what they did to Dan? I am all about finding out how strong I am, but only when the only real negative thing that can go wrong is getting my ass kicked. But no, fuck this. These people are just straight killing us!"

Ryu, looks astonished, "Ken...I didn't know you were such a pussy! Alright, what if Jax gives you his machine gun? Would that make you feel better?"

As Jax slings the gun off of his shoulder, Ken smiles wide, "Now that is what I am God damn talking about!"

*So it is settled! Jax and Rolento are heading to the left two doors while Ryu and Machine Gun Ken (totally going to be an unlockable character) are heading to the right two doors.*

Round 16 Rolento vs. Reptile

Rolento enters the room with his baton in one hand and grenade in the other. He jumps as the door slams behind him. However, he sees the switch right across the room.

That was fucking easy. What, did they drink too much carpet cleaner and forget to put a dude in here?

As he approaches the switch, he is quite surprised when something smashes into his back and sensds him tumbling, "What...the...FUCK!"

There is no one here! What was,,,

His cute little internal dialogue was cut short when he started getting hit repeatedly by an invisible force. Freaking out, Rolento begins swinging wildy with his baton until he hits something. Suddenly, a man appears. Looking exactly like the ninja that could throw spears from his wrists, except this one had a green and black ninja suit.

Rolento pulls the pin from his grenade and cocks his arm back, "Fuck...this!"

Before he throws it, the creature spits at him. The hawker hits him right in the elbow..."JESUS FUCK TITS! THAT SHIT IS MELTING RIGHT THROUGH MY ARM!"

"BALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLS!!!!!!!!!!" and then a muffled explosion were the only things the waiting warriors heard before the door opened.

Round 17 Jax vs. Sagat

Jax walked into his room and saw the towering, scarred man he was to face.

"My name is Sagat, and I am the single greatest Muay Thai fighter the world has ever seen. Also, I am extremely cheap, easy to use, and great for pissing off your friends. Prepare to die."

The fight didn't start well for Jax, Of course Sagat started by barraging him with various type of Tiger Claws, occasionally allowing Jax to get close enough to hit with a fierce punch to low kick to Tiger Uppercut.

Jax smacked against the wall, shit this guy is cheap! If I keep my distance its just endless Tiger Claws! If I try to jump he has two fucking anti-airs! If I bring it in close he has range, power, and fucking priority! I am just straight getting my ass kicked.

Finally Jax remembered his ground pound! I can be cheap too, mother fucker! I will do my ground pound and then jump forward. The pound should keep him off balance long enough for me to clear the distance.

The fight then just got retarded, both fighters spammed every single special move they had until they had spammed each other to beaten and battered state. Once here they gave up on the spamming and actually traded blows. Sagat's fast knees and stupidly useful fierce punch put Jax on the ropes.

"You did well, Mortal Kombatant. What is your name? So I may tell of your strong will..."

Jax cut him off by swallowing all of his energy to grab Sagat by the throat and start smashing him in the face as many times has he could and then throwing him across the room, "Wish...I would have had my damn...gun."

Jax stumbled to the switch and pulled it, just as he collapsed against the wall.

Round 18 Machine Gun Ken vs. Goro

Ken stepped into the dark room and stared in terror at the four armed beast that lumbered out of the shadows. Goro roars something at Ken and starts running start at him.

Ken shoulders the Machine Gun, "See...Ryu. Shit like this thing that is running straight at me is exactly what I was fucking talking about."

Ken opens fire, full auto, he can't help but laugh. He laughs and laughs as the giant creature tries to block the bullets. He laughs and laughs at how the bullet make the giant creature jump and dance. He laughs and laughs as the bullets completely tear off one of the creature's arms. He laughs and laughs until all the bullets are gone.

The other fighters will note that Ken came out of his challenge room with a massive smile and a noticeable erection. Things were never quite the same.


Three of the switches have been pulled! Who will face the fearsome Reptile? Will Jax recover from his intense fight with Sagat? What about Sagat, have we seen the end of him? Which mental institution will they need to take Ken to when this is all over? Find out in the exciting finale, to the biggest pile of you have (for some reason continued to) read!!!