1. Apparently scienceblogs.com is the last fucking place to find science
Alright, so I decided by googling Edgar Allen Poe's Black Cat (I have Nevermore on my chest shaped into a raven and would like some other Poe related art to compliment it) and quickly realized I was going to get jack shit on the subject. Inspired by the lack of, well...anything, I decided to try a simple search for 'cat'.
Right there on Page 1 was a link to an image from Science Blog entitled, 'Cat Personality Test'.
Science!
Now, I have no idea what Science Blog is all about, whether it is a serious scientific blog or if it is filled with dick jokes and half hearted science jokes. However, with the name 'Science Blog' you would think it would have some science. Now, it took me a long time to pass math and I took maybe three science classes. However, I am sure that attaching buttered toast to my cat, tilting it, and then studying its...relationship to, F(?) is going to only result in one personality determined: a very confused fucking cat.
2. Say YES to NO or Say No to Yes Fuck It
I remembered from a while back that sometimes, the best image searches are the simplest searches. For this round I simply typed in 'no'. What came back were a few funny pictures featuring the word no and a few that just had the classic sign for 'no'. And then...
Maybe?
I tried really hard to figure out what this truly means and what situation it might be useful. I guess on the surface it is simple: you are not allowed to say, "Yes." But think about it, when could this ever apply? What if I asked you if you were allowed to say no? What the fuck would you say then, punk ass? Affirmative? Ok so I suppose you can use this sign to enfore an affirmative enviro...DID I JUST STUMBLE UPON THE NEW EMBLEM FOR AFFIRMATIVE ACTION?!?!
No, no I didn't because that would be fucking retarded.
3. Just chilling in the coolest fucking boat ever
A classic run to the ground meme (for the two-three of you reading this that don't know meme, just think LOL Cats) is The Fail Boat. So, I decided to check into this unending internet funny and see if there were any updates. Nope, just the same old shit and HOLY HELL COOLEST BOAT EVER
If it doesn't actually play, I swear...
That is the greatest thing ever! Driving (do you drive a boat? ride? I don't know, I'm poor) this thing will instantly make every man want to beat you mercilessly with raging jealousy, small children cry because they know their parents will never love them enough to allow them to grow up and own a guitar boat, and women drown their boyfriend to be with you. Hell, if it had the power to inspire Michael Bay to give up on the Transformer's shit and find a new toy to fuck with, I might worship the almighty Guitar Boat.
The only failing is he totally whiffed on the name. Totally should have named it the S.S. Fuck You, I Have A Guitar Boat. Though I ssuppose that may have been too long. Maybe, S.S. Guitoat. HELL YEAH, MUH FUCKIN' GUITOAT!
4. And then no one thought about Google the same, ever again
Alright, for number four, I decided to Google Google. Yeah, call me lazy but I wanted to see what happened when you forced the site to look into itself for...itself. Nothing too surprising until like page two or some shit when you discover that Google is now working on being...sexy?
How many 'I'm feeling lucky' jokes can she take?
What the hell, Google? Why would you lie? It is never, ever going to be a decent looking lady person wearing this shit! Get some IT guy wearing one stained with Dorito dust and holding a massive Slurpee. I mean, I understand the whole, "But we need people to buy these, not burn them and denounce them as Fucktits!" But, but...come on! This is just ridiculous!
Just wait until tomorrow afternoon when I see some chick walking around wearing one of these and I have to come back to this blog and edit punch it.
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