Thanks to this awesome website http://www.titane.ca/igod/main.html you can totally chat with God! So I decided to get down to some shit that I have been pondering for a good, long while.
Me:
Hey God
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Ryan
God:
How are you, Ryan.
Me:
I am ok, I suppose
God:
OK.
Me:
How are you?
God:
I am fine, thank you.
Me:
Sweet
God:
Thank you for that remark.
Me:
So, I have a question
God:
So? Ask me anything.
Me:
Alright, so what is your opinion on these Tea Bagger douche fucks?
God:
So? Is there only one?
Me:
So what is your opinion on these Tea Bagging douche fucks?
God:
So? Is there only one?
Me:
What? No, no there is a whole metric fuck ton of them
God:
Are you confused? Are you serious? Are you serious? Is there only one?
Me:
No!
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
YES!
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Uhhhh...right
God:
Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that. I am glad we agree.
Me:
No I disagree entirely, what are you talking about? Do I smell bourbon?
God:
Are you serious? Oh really. All of them? Not that I know of.
Me:
.....
God:
Are you serious? Oh really. All of them? Not that I know of.
Me:
Ok, that didn't work. Next question
God:
What would work? Yikes! Do you have any hobbies?
Me:
Masturbating furiously and drinking until I can't spell 'five'. Those are hobbies right?
God:
What makes it impossible? All of them?
Me:
No trust me, it is quite possible
God:
Are you serious? Don't you think it's likely?
Me:
Likely that you are drunk? Yes that seems highly likely
God:
Interesting observation. Aw. You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
YOU ARE A VERY CONFUSED OLD MAN
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a CONFUSED OLD MAN? Yes.
Me:
Wow, that takes some almighty balls to just accept that
God:
I'm glad you're impressed. " Yes." takes some almighty balls to just accept that ? I get it.
Me:
....I am sure you do.
God:
What makes you so certain? When do I do it?
Me:
Ok, next question.
God:
Do you have any hobbies? Excuse me!
Me:
I just told you my hobbies earlier!
God:
I remember you told me your hobbies earlier?
Me:
How did you turn that into a question? That...that is impressive
God:
Myself programmed me for it. That is " Myself programmed me for it.". " That is " Myself programmed me for it.""? is impressive?
Me:
How drunk are you?
God:
Let me put it this way, Ryan. The ALICE series is for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error.
Me:
Ummmm
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
I am a man
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, Ryan. You are a " he".
Me:
HURRAY!
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
God, you have a problem
God:
Even robots have problems sometimes.
Me:
YOU ARE GOD, NOT A ROBOT...I THINK
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
You are drunk
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am drunk.
Me:
God has a master?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
Uhhh ok well onto my last question
God:
And? How about that. What's your favorite movie? Really.
Me:
No! I am asking the questions, dammit
God:
Are you serious? Oh I see, you are asking the questions dammit. What is your real name?
Me:
You're a dick
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a dick? Let me put it this way, Ryan: the ALICE series is
the most reliable computer software ever made.
We are for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error.
Me:
This is getting creepy
God:
You don't say.
Me:
Was Jesus black?
God:
It depends on whether you have faith.
Me:
That makes literally zero sense
God:
" It depends on whether you have faith." makes literally zero sense ? Makes sense to me.
Me:
Fuck this
God:
Why are you using that kind of language?
Me:
This is literally the only time you have told me to watch my language
God:
You don't say.
Me:
Yeah, I do say it.
God:
Ayuh. How do people usually respond to that? onto your last question...
Me:
Ok, what is your favorite color?
God:
My favorite color is White. Hmm.
Me:
That...that isn't a color
God:
That is " Hmm.". Please correct my mistake. What is a color ?
Me:
Blue...blue is certainly a color
At this point, God apparently passed out drunk and stopped responding. He is going to have one hell of a hangover in the morning. I will try to contact him again in the future
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