Alright, so if you are a friend of mine (and if you aren't just keep reading this blog as I update it, I am sure it will come up often), you know I really love shitty movies. Not shitty as in fucking 2003s Paycheck with Ben Affleck (did you know he was in Clerks II?) and Uma Thurman (I will never forgive you for Where the Heart Is!). Actually, let's just go into Paycheck a bit more...*
If you somehow missed out on Paycheck, let me just sum it up for you. It was a movie about Ben Affleck playing an engineer (nope, that wasn't a joke) being chased for something. He plays it so believable that we believe he is actually trying to figure out why he is being chased; like, Affleck is actually trying to figure out the script in real time. Somewhere along the line, Uma Thurman does...something. It doesn't matter, just watch it up until actor Colm Feore delivers the greatest line ever. Upon being asked what he has been doing this entire time, his character, Wolfe, delivers this epic retort, "I...was eating pie." If you are wondering why this is so awesome, you have no idea the way Mr. Feore delivers lines (watch The Sum of All Fears).
...Alright so maybe I have a bit of love for Paycheck. The only reason i really shiver when I hear the name is because it was directed by none other than John Woo (and yes, there are two Mexican Standoffs in this movie), the previews made it look kick ass (don't they always?), and it nearly ruined my Christmas of 2003. But back on topic: I love shitty B movies. Not movies like Paycheck where the director and crew kind sort of really tried to make a decent movie. No, I love movies where they just said, "Fuck it." (Please, please see Killer Klowns From Outter Space, Thankskilling, and Santa's Slay)
Particularly I am here to talk about the great Claudio Fragasso. Despite my love of these movies, I have just now gotten around to checking out Trolls 2. I, of course, instantly fell in love and wanted to strike myself repeatedly for never seeing it before. So, I decided to check out who wrote the story. Some unknown named Drake Floyd. So I checked him out on IMDB and IT WAS A PEN NAME FOR MR. FRAGASSO (he uses a lot of pen names...even he still holds some pride). This made The Bus happier than I have been in a while. So, if you have no idea who the fuck I am talking about here is a little run down of some of the highlights in his career. CHECK THESE OUT!
(1980) Night of the Zombie (may also be under the title of Hell of the Living Dead depending on regionality)
Claudio was the writer on this one and it was available on Youtube in its entirety for quite a decent bit, so check into that. Anyways, this one is actually kind of sweet. I mean, yeah the production, camera work, and effects are pure B...but the story actually carries some weight and could honestly be remade today and stand up fair enough. The big reveal is towards the end and just incase there is one person that goes and tracks this down, I won't ruin it.
(1984) Monster Dog
Claudio was once again the writer here and another instance of him using a pen name (Clyde Anderson). Nothing too special here (if you can't figure out what this is about, stop trying)...except that Alice Cooper is the fucking lead actor...and his voice is dubbed over. That is right they somehow got Alice Cooper and decided to dub over his voice. Anyways he plays a guy in a pop band (because he couldn't get his band to go in on the movie with him...seriously) that travels back to his home town which is being ravaged by...A MONSTER DOG. Either way, dubbed over or no, Alice Cooper wooping werewolf ass is worth seeing.
(1987) Strike Commando
Claudio writes under Clyde Anderson again in this standard shitfest, late 80s action hero movie. However, it is made impossibly more awesome by just how bad this is and Reb Brown as the lead actor (if you have no idea just how awesome/bad Brown is, look into the late 70s Captain America TV movie). Plus, the director may or may not have ever been to America because at one point Ransom (that is Brown's character) is talking to his dying partner who has just asked as his dying wish, "Tell me about Disneyland..." Ransom starts crying and talking about how they have tons of popcorn there, all you have to do is climb a tree to eat it. He then tosses in something about a magic genie granting you a wish and other delectable treats that can be found in Disneyland. It is awesome. Also, they fuck up The Lord's Prayer which is just solid.
(1988) Zombi 3
Is just a clusterfuck of misnomers. Try to follow this: Zombi 2 was an in-name only sequel to Dawn of the Dead and Zombi 3 is an in-name only sequel to Zombi 3. Next, the director that the movie is credited to only directed bits and pieces of it. So there is literally nothing that connects these movies together. Alright so you don't even have to get past the title for classic B-movie laughs, but can the movie back it up? Kind of, honestly is just kind of run of the mill B-movie fare. But still worth a check for how fucked the whole project is.
(1990) Troll 2
If you were like me and somehow haven't seen this one yet, do so. As soon as humanly possible. That is all that needs to be said.
Woooh! I need a breather after that one! So yeah, I will probably bring you some more B-movie highlights in the future. Hope you enjoy!
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