I have a saying, "At least I had the decency to put on pants." I say this in response to the growing cancer that is sweatpants.I really can't fully describe my utter hatred towards these terrible, terrible things. However, I will do my damndest to do so. Yes, dammit, I read too far into sweatpants...but, fuck it.
Alright, so I am fully aware that I am not the most strappingly handsome dude wandering the streets and I am generally the drunkest. This is certainly not a winning combination. SO, I take pride in wearing clothes. I mean, shit...it is all I have going for me! So it really pisses me off when I see people wearing these things because I know that they threw them on, pulled on a shirt, and said, "Alright, this is good." I am not so vain that I spend thirty minutes getting ready to go out (fucking kill me if I get like that). BUT, I will take the five minutes to grab a pair of jeans that are (relatively) clean and actually pick out a shirt for the night (this isn't really too hard because pretty much all I own are plain black, white, and gray shirts).
So far, you may be thinking, "Alright so this dude's hatred towards sweatpants stems from a vain sense of fashion and jealously that even though he had the decency to get pants, he still won't get laid." Well, ok so you are partly correct. I have long since given up on any pride filled sexual conquest (I am too busy drinking everything in your liquor cabinet and watching Killer Klowns From Outter Space).
NO, I really hate these things because it seems to be yet another great example of our descent into terrible laziness. I understand that they are comfy and I understand that you don't feel the need to put on real clothes to head out. However, I will judge you as a lazy fuck and a slob and I won't really have anything to do with you unless you are able to really blow me away with a stunning combination of a love for Hot Water Music, shitty B movies, and maybe buy me a drink. Other than this, I will be avoiding you like the plague and talking to the other people who had the decency to put on pants.
Lastly, I suppose I must admit to moderate jealousy. I am jealous of the 'yeah bro' dickhead community that automatically get all the respect and admiration because they decided to waste four years of their life in a frat. Or the pretentious, personality vacant prissy chicks that can literally wear a trashbag if they want and no one will give a flying rat's ass.
Actually, one last thing (I promise): If you wear sweatpants to a bar, you're a cunt.
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