I hate pawnshops because (at least around here) their video game selection is always sub-par and overpriced. They also have a great habit of not letting you see the disc before purchase (I understand them not being in the box to prevent theft, but not letting me inspect it before purchase? What the fuck?) and they generally have a convenient no return policy. So, when you inevitably buy an overpriced and scratched to bejesus and back disc, you are fucked.
Gamestop is a joke if you are looking for anything used. Their prices are at least somewhat fair but their selection is always piled full of the absolute shittiest of shit from the last couple generations of gaming. Also, if you are able to actually find the theoretical needle in the haystack, they will try and up-sell you to death. I sympathize because I too work in customer service and understand that it is required by their job, but holy fuck is it annoying. What are the fucking chances that if I am buying Twisted Metal Black for the PlayStation 2 that I would want a year in X-box Live for free if I pre-order This Next First Person Shooter: World War Clusterfuck 8?
So, I had heard of the awesome deals you can find on Amazon and decided to check it out and...HOLY FUCKING DONUTS ON A PLATE ON FIRE! This shit is awesome. I am always finding ridiculous deals and they are always sold by reliable people.
At least, that is how it has been. Lately though, I have had an odd patch of shady deals and questionable selling strategies (all from sellers that had good reviews). I really hope this is just a fluke and not a sign of things I have to look forward to. In case it is not, I decided to pretend that sellers will read this and went ahead and wrote up a few of the worst selling strategies I have run into.
1. Like New Means That The Game Is Like Fucking New
The honesty of sellers on Amazon has, so far, been my favorite aspect of Amazon. For the last few months I have gone through the used section (who really wants to buy an unopened copy of Crash Bandicoot for $69.95?) and chosen to pay a few extra bucks to get the copy listed as 'Like New'.
You know what 'Like New' should mean? Well, a new game is unopened, in pristine condition, comes with all the case artwork inset, and has a booklet inside. So, a 'Like New' game should be pretty much that except opened and maybe a few forgivable scuffs on the case. It should, indeed, come with the case, artwork inset, booklet, and uhhhh you know, the game.
I bought these 'Like New' and indeed, they were.
For the longest time, I had no problems picking up games in 'Like New' conditions for a fraction of the price that Gamestop or pawnshops would have sold them. But then something happened.
I found a great deal on Bushido Blade that was listed as 'Like New'. I jumped at that shit as it is one of my all time favorite fighters for the PlayStation 1. I added it to my cart with a few other gems, checked out, and waited patiently.
A few days later I got a small, jewel case shaped package in the mail. I was so excited, I knew it was Bushido Blade because it was the only PlayStation 1 game I had ordered. But something was off. Something was very off indeed. The package was very thin, way too thin to be a jewel case. So, I timidly opened my package, not knowing what to expect and I got this:
'Like New' like my dick!
What the fucking shit is that? That is a disc in a floppy sleeve. No game manual. No art. Just a disc and that ugly ass sleeve. How can you even think to label that as 'Like New'? How the duck fuck could a person do that?
Now, don't get me wrong. I have and will buy these 'disc in a sleeve' deals. I actually have a few of them. But when I bought them, I knew exactly what I was buying. The seller clearly stated that 'The disc has zero scratches but I have long since lost the case and booklet and will have to send it to you in a floppy sleeve.' Also, they are generally kind enough to sell it to you for spare-ass-change because of the lack of anything but the disc.
So, I like to pretend that human beings aren't always awful and this guy was just scared no one would buy it (he had great reviews on a bunch of shit he had sold), and decided to lie to get it sold. So let me tell you, honesty will still sell. As long as the game disc is clean and plays, someone will grab it. Just tell people straight up that it plays but has no case or booklet (and maybe to show good faith to the buyer, sell it for a bit cheaper than the average 'Used' condition asking price).
2. Be Honest With The Product You Are Selling
This kind of fits in with the previous statement, but it has nothing to do with the condition of the product. This is when people straight up lie about the product they are selling.
The best example I have is very recently when I was seeking a new PlayStation 2 controller. I am one of those finicky bastards that will not touch a generic controller. My general experience with them is that they feel weird in my hands and or have less than desirable button feedback and or simply have crap buttons (too clunky, too big, too small, too sticky, etc,.).
So, I was shopping around for a PS2 Dual Shock 2 controller, new preferably. I found the dream controller. The picture and description were all showing me the exact controller I wanted, unopened in it's original damn box. And it was going for a solid price. Now that, is class! So, I checked into the seller and saw that he had eighteen solid reviews and bought the fuck out of that.
Yesterday, a big ol' package arrived and I knew what that fucker was! I was so excited to tear open my new parcel and carefully unpack the brand new controller, soaking in every inch of new plastic scent (I know there are others that love that smell, it isn't just me).
I pulled it out and yep, it was brand new in it's original box but it was not my Dual Shock 2 pad. It came in a box that looked just like the DS2's box and the controller even looked like the DS2. But printed on the side were the fucking words, 'Analog Controller 2'. What...what the fuck? The controller looked just like this, except mine isn't wireless (I haven't managed to take a picture of my own yet):
DOPPELGANGER!
In all fairness, the pad plays just fine. The buttons are just a bit stiff, but I am sure with a few months of use I will come to break it in (or stop noticing). All my complaints come down to the whole concept of the sell. I didn't come in looking for a Chinese (no racism, it was made in China) generic Analog Controller 2. I came in looking for a fucking Dual Shock 2 controller, dammit. If I wanted an Analog Controller 2, I would have been searching for one, wouldn't I?
If this guy had labeled his product with a proper picture and a description making note that it plays just like the real thing, I probably wouldn't have bought it. So I understand why he decided to be a deceiving dick, but fuck me! That sucks! This is exactly why I left pawnshops and other stores behind! I wanted to buy reliable products from reliable vendors.
So please, don't tell people they are buying one thing and sell them another. Just be fucking honest and hope someone buys it. Even though the product works just fine, I still gave the guy a bad review, explaining that I had been duped and the principal of the matter is what warranted a crap review from me, if you think I am a dick for doing so...I won't be buying from you.
3. Japan And America Are Rather Different In Formatting
Again, this blends in well with the other two categories, but it is a bit different and I didn't want to just write one big block of text. This has to do with the fact that Japanese formatted video games do not play on American formatted consoles.
So, I got my copy of Bushido Blade (even if it is in a fucking sleeve) and wanted the sequel as I had never played it before and felt an urge to check it out. I fished around and found an awesome deal on a copy of it in 'Like New' condition. With this image as the product picture:
Now, I am not an idiot (well, I am...but not when it comes to video games) and know about formatting issues. I in fact own a few Japanese formatted games that weren't released over here and the proper chip patch to play them. However, I only had one controller so I planned to play it on the PlayStation 2. So I checked, and yep...that is certainly the Western cover of the game, and no where in the description had he indicated that it might be anything more than it seemed. Hurray!
A few days go by and once again, I get an uppercut of disappointment mailed to me. I open up the parcel and I must give the seller serious credit for knowing what 'Like New' means. I think he even took the art out of the original jewel case and replaced it with a whole new one because there wasn't even a damn fingerprint on the case. But there was one thing seriously wrong here, the case looked like this:
Fuck.
Sure enough, I had gotten the Japanese version of the game. I was a bit miffed, but at least I had my old modded PlayStation 1 that could play this particular format. I would just have to buy a second controller when I had the chance, not a big deal. However, this game informed me that the old workhorse had gone out to pasture. I could have fucking cried (but instead, I did what a man does when a loved one dies: I bought two 40oz of Olde English). I remember when I got the damn thing for my seventh birthday in 1996 and it had been with me ever since. So now, I had a game I couldn't play and the death of a beloved console on my hands. Fuck.
So don't do that. Figure out what fucking version of a game you have and sell it as such. Or else you might just break the heart of a twenty-two year old, gaming drunk.
R.I.P.
Playstation 1
August 23, 1996 - December 21, 2011
This Christmas will be colder than usual. You will be missed, more than likely replaced, but never forgotten.
This Christmas will be colder than usual. You will be missed, more than likely replaced, but never forgotten.
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