Third Shift: A Few Things I Have Learned

Hey guys (and gals), look at this shit! I am going to write a whole entry that doesn't have fucking anything to do with video games or comic books! Fuck yeah, right?!

So, yep, third shift. Midnight to eight in the morning at the front desk of a hotel. It is what I do and have done for over a year and will probably be doing for another couple of years. I am sure there are thousands and thousands of people that work this shift and it really isn't that special. In fact, that is one thing I am going to try and express here.

However, there are a few things (like any job, really) that you learn about yourself and other people.


I. It Really Isn't That Bad


Let me just get this out of the way because it is the one that I always hear from guests and friends, 'Woah! You always do that? That has to be so hard!'

It was, for the first couple weeks. It was the same level of difficulty as getting into any new routine that is foreign to you. College students face this pretty much every semester when their classes change up. For the first couple of weeks they feel like crap trying to re-calibrate their systems to the new schedule. Then, once you do it for just a bit, you don't even really notice.

My friends will ask all the time how I can sleep in the day.

Like this.

The same way you guys sleep at night? I turn off the lights, close my curtain, and lie the fuck down. Trust me, if you are exhausted and need sleep, your body will not complain about the time of day (drunks know this really well).

I understand how strange it seems when you are on a  nine to five or college classes type schedule seeing as most people don't stay up all night unless they are studying or glued to Reddit. But seriously, you get used to it quicker than you would think.


II. Get Ready For the Judgement Train


Alright, let me ask you a question. If you are working from nine to five, do you go to sleep immediately after work? Fuck no! I used to hang out and do shit for seven or so hours, get seven to eight hours of sleep, and get up at eight in the morning to get ready for a new day.

Well, that translates to my overnight schedule as well. I go into work at midnight, get off at eight in the morning, hang out until one or two, sleep for seven or eight hours, and get up at eleven to get ready for the night.

So another question. What do you do when you get off of work? Maybe you just hang around your house/apartment and play video games and listen to music. Maybe you had a stressful day so you want to grab a few drinks with a friend. Whatever is clever, man. It is after five p.m. and human morality says you can do whatever the fuck you want!

What I imagine five o'clock feels like to everyone else.

Well, I feel the same way when I get off work. Except, no one will ever understand why you are getting hammered at nine in the morning and rocking your taint off to Bivouac by Jawbreaker. You see, there isn't a magic label on my head that says, 'Hey, I work midnight to eight and right now is kind of like my six p.m. so I want a twelve pack, I really am not that bad.' You can awkwardly explain to friends, family, and loved ones...but no one ever really accepts it.

My neighbor actually asked me, 'If you do anything.' Because according to her, all I ever did was get drunk, play video games, and then yell at them. I awkwardly defended myself by saying that I work thirds and when I am at my productive best, she is asleep and therefore never sees the good I do. Like Batman, I am a lot like Batman. You see, what I am trying to say is that I am Batman. I think she now thinks that her neighbor is an alcoholic schizophrenic. Job well done.

The Drunk Knight.

This only gets magnified when I explain what I actually do at my job. Honestly, I don't have much to do, it is a laid back job and the only challenge it provides is the fact that you must become a third shifter. I check in a couple drunks, do the nightly audit, hope I don't get robbed, and then set up breakfast. Other than that, I read a fuck ton of comic books, think of how much ass I am going to kick in Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 when I get off of work, and bring my blog to the few of you kind enough to read them.

So now I look lazy as fuck and unskilled (which, admittedly, I am). But you know what? Fuck you! I still go to work (mostly on time, might I add) five days a week, work forty hours a week, and pay my bills (mostly on time, might I add). I have had two friends who are currently unemployed (and doing nothing about it) tell me I had the best and easiest job ever. So, I asked them why don't they apply to some of the other hotels in the area. Their answer? 'Because third shift would fucking suck, man.' Alright, then have some goddamned respect for the guy that has done it for a year and three months now.

I believe that I look like the text book definition of 'Skilled' and 'Respect'.

III. I Meet The Worst and Strangest Human Beings


Anyone that has worked a service job knows that you meet the worst people ever. There is apparently something about waiting for another human being to get you food/beer/cocaine/a hotel room/hookers/whatever that brings out the worst in people.

This normal negative of working in the service industry is fucking tripled by working third shift. I get all of the drunks, (unfriendly and rude) homeless, and simple fuck-nuts in the city.

Most nights are pretty quiet and uneventful, which is nice. I am not dealing with this shit every night. What I am saying though, is that when people are mad at me, it is late as shit, and maybe they had a few drinks...people fucking explode like none other.

Because it is two in the morning, that is apparently excuse enough for someone to fly into a blind rage with me when I inform them that we are sold out or whatever. I have had a drunk guy threaten to beat my ass because we were sold out and he couldn't stay here. I had an elderly lady tell me that I would be screwing Hitler in hell because I didn't have her rewards card on file. I have watched and subsequently been caught in the middle of a divorce. I have been called a humorless cunt, a shit eating failure, and (my personal favorite) a gazelle's dick in the middle of a lion pack (no idea what that means, but...well done, sir!).




In the end, some people will hear me bitch if I had a rough night or if I didn't get enough sleep and had to drag my ass through the night and they will ask me, 'Man if it is that rough, why don't you find another job?'

Because I can get paid for reading comics and making dick jokes on the internet!